The Incomplete Idiot’s Guide to Artists. Batch 2

I have been collecting typical questions about artists and art for some time, and here’s the second batch of my answers: often biased, sometimes rude, and always right. Think of it as an introduction to modern culture.


Picasso

Picasso Nude

Large Nude in Red Armchair – 1929

Question (typical): I am told this twisted figure represents passionate beauty. I am beginning to doubt my sanity.

Answer (my): Think of passionate sex in a hall of mirrors, and your head’s wobbling side to side in ecstasy. Your eye only gets bits of images that register in your brain as a random sequence of “what an ass”, “fantastic boobs”, “I love these lips”, “she rolled her eyes”, and such…

Q (trying to dial 911 in his pocket): Are you really an art history professor?

A: …Then remove wild sex and mirrors. Pile up your remaining memories together: all those “views” that you saw in front of you and the ones reflected in the mirrors. What you get is this image.

Q: Now this maniac Picasso freaks me out!

A: You’re afraid he speaks to the maniac inside yourself, bro. By the way, there’s an agitated 911 woman talking from inside your pants’ pocket, and I never said I was a professor.


Jeff Koons

Koons

Question: Is Jeff Koons a pop or post-pop artist?

Answer: Before he hired a PR consultant he was known as Jeff Kons, a poop-artist. I am not sure he is an artist, but he is definitely a “wizard of “o’s”.


Piet Mondrian

Piet_Mondriaan,_1930_-_Mondrian_Composition_II_in_Red,_Blue,_and_Yellow

Piet Mondriaan, 1930. Composition II in Red, Blue, and_Yellow

Question: I don’t get what’s so exciting about Mondrian’s squares. They say he was a great artist. Why?

Answer: that’s why:

modern-apartment-9 Modern-comfort-room-designs-2012

Q: Are you saying he was a great interior designer?

A: No, he was a mere prophet.


Sol LeWitt and minimalism

[no title] 1971 by Sol LeWitt 1928-2007

[no title] 1971 by Sol LeWitt

Question: They say he was one of the best minimalist artists. But this drawing is very simple! What is “best” about it?

Answer: E=mc²

Q: ?

A: This very simple formula describes inexplicably complicated processes. For a physicist it is the highest form of physics, and even if you don’t know anything about the special theory of relativity, you still don’t doubt Einstein was a genius. Art doesn’t have to be complicated to send across a complex message. If it seems simple to you chances are there was an artistic Einstein behind it.

Q: But how do you know if a minimalist artwork is an elegant formula, and not a meaningless sequence of symbols?

A: You don’t. That’s the trick of minimalism.


If you missed Batch 1 in this series, click here.
If you missed my interview with Venus, don’t miss it.

DON’T FORGET TO ASK ME QUESTIONS OR SHARE QUESTIONS OF OTHERS WITH ME! WITHOUT YOUR HELP, MY A TO Z INTRODUCTION TO MODERN CULTURE WILL NOT BE COMPLETE

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21 thoughts on “The Incomplete Idiot’s Guide to Artists. Batch 2

  1. humphries346

    Koons was a Pop artist but he was not my favourite , Sol Witt wasn’t the best of the Minimalists Judd and Morris I preferred Richard Hamilton stands out as my Favourite of all the English artists particularly his later works. I did like your questions and answer they made art appear more interesting

    Reply
  2. swo8

    There’s a lot of the Emperor’s clothes/no clothes to some of these artists. At least we know that Picaso could actually paint. Unfortunately, I think he sold out for the almighty dollar/peso/franc etc.
    Leslie

    Reply

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