Allegory, or the tool men use to camouflage their obsession with female breasts

Men’s obsession with the upper part of the female body is nothing new. Throughout the ages, painters and sculptors have been servicing men’s needs in that department of animal instincts.

Men love staring at tits, sizing tits, comparing tits to known samples, and judging tits. After Freud explained this obsession was not stemming from men’s superiority but rather otherwise, men have learned to come up with a variety of excuses for staring at tits.

For instance, when a man meets a woman who is smarter than himself he stares at her tits pointedly. The man indicates that the muscles supporting his eyeballs got tired of looking in those mentally inferior eyes of hers, and the only way to continue listening is to lower his gaze. A woman can’t do something similar because lowering her gaze all the way down to the willie of an intellectually inferior male means she’d have to close her eyes. And when women close their eyes while listening to men, the latter never interpret it for the boredom it is.

Male critics use the word “titillating” to describe their experiences with art more often than female reviewers (who tend to avoid this word altogether). Somehow, there is no such word as “penisuasive”. Persuasive. Suave. Many words are falling phonetically close to “penisuasive” but never hit this bunker. The shell that almost hit it came from the unexpected direction of “vilification” but fell short a couple of letters. “Willification” could be a nice word with a variety of meanings and uses. Pity, but again, this is another proof this is a men’s world.

The best illustration for titillating willification I could find:

Historically, men loved to camouflage their tit thing by allegory.

I am not staring at tits. I am thinking about the meaning of this reclining nude as the symbol of the transient youth.

Giorgione, Sleeping Venus, c.1510

Or, I am contemplating the symbolism of innocence that can only be found on a tropic island away from the western civilization.

Paul Gauguin, Two Tahitian women, 1899, Metrololitan

The fact that this allegory comes from an artist famous for his obsession with teenage virgins, something that today is seen as very criminal, is conveniently forgotten.

Now.

The French castle of Fauntainebleau houses the symbol of men’s allegorical hypocrisy about tit-staring. It is a sculpture by Niccolo Pericolli, made in 1529. The allegory of nature. It is so titillating that its original purpose (to support a vase) was forgotten and it has always been exhibited like this.

Allegory1

Three rows of tits! Bang. The winner in titillating. Bring in the Guinness Record team.

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